PLAYGROUND BOSTON

Photo by Caroline Bridges

Metalheads wearing Slayer t-shirts—SLAYYERRRR!–mixed with middle-aged women decked out in cocktail dresses around the bar at Harpers Ferry on Saturday night- an unusual crowd for your typical concert if it weren’t for the fact that Misstallica, an all-female Metallica tribute band, would be supporting Tragedy, the all-metal tribute to the Bee Gees that evening. Needless to say, I was pumped.

Opening act My Stupid Friends did an excellent job setting the tone for the rest of the night as they took to the stage armed with a collection of whiskey-soaked party anthems dedicated to drinking, tits, ass, smoking and any combination thereof—think of a bunch of horned-up middle school boys creating a bunch of noise in their parents’ garage who aspire to party and rock like the Crüe, except now they’re all grown up and have the music chops to match their penchant for fart jokes. Or I guess you could say they’re one of the most entertaining bar bands I’ve seen in a long time. Take your pick.

During their short set, the dudes in MSF chugged out riff after riff of tasty meat n’ potatoes rock and roll and ripped up some pretty nasty solos along the way while they pulled out every rock star stage move in the book. Running in place while playing rhythm guitar? Of course. Making the “This-solo-is-so-sick-it-hurts!” face? You bet. Choreographed head-banging the likes of which hasn’t been seen since Warrant ruled the rock charts? Mmm-hmm. The fact that the guys pulled all of this off while dressed like overgrown Lost Boys from the movie Hook is a testament to their willingness to drop all the bullshit and just have a good time rocking out. They had me looking like some crazed idiot chuckling and headbanging in the audience during their entire set. Fun times.

Misstallica was up next. As a thrash fanatic myself, I was really looking forward to their set.

A quick aside before I continue: Before the show started I overheard a guy at the bar say to his buddy, “Yeah, there’s also a girl Metallica tribute band too. They’re either going to be really shitty or really good.” More on this thought soon, but let’s continue though, shall we?

The lights went dark as the ladies from Philly took to the stage for their first show in Massachusetts. Without wasting any time, they tore into the pulsing, stabbing intro to the classic ‘Tallica ode to the electric chair, “Ride the Lightning.” They nailed the carpal tunnel-inducing rhythms down with brutal precision as their drummer Kaleen Reading pounded away on her kit, riding the crap out of the double bass until I thought it might burst. Somewhere in the venue, aforementioned metal dude could be heard gulping his, “they could be really shitty,” pre-show predictions down his gullet.

Pint-sized frontwoman and rhythm guitarist Gina Randazzo owned the audience during their spot-on rendition of the menacing “Disposable Heroes” as she barked out the chorus: “Back to the front/You will do, what I say/When I say, back to the front!/You will die, when I say/You must die, back to the front!” with the power of Hetfield and the bite of Slayer’s Tom Araya. If metal skeptic wasn’t banging his head with the rest of the crowd at this point, he most definitely was shitting his pants.

Fans of Metallica’s most recent work need not apply that night—Misstallica’s setlist was no-bullshit, early thrash Metallica at its finest: “Whiplash.” “Seek and Destroy.” “Master of Puppets.” “Creeping Death.” “Dyer’s Eve.” Bass player Teddi Tarnoff held down the low-end crunch as the guitar trio of Randazzo, Allie Thrower and Gigi Gleason nailed each and every classic riff with the speed, precision and heaviness of their male counterparts.

Lead guitarist Gleason really stole the show. Strapped with her white Jackson six-string and sporting a cavewoman-like mane, she tore through every classic lick and solo with a grimace befitting a deranged serial killer. It was only until after their set that I noticed the black-markered X’s on both of her hands—turns out she and Reading are both 17, and no one else in the band has cracked their mid-twenties. It’s scary a band this young can be this damn good.

Last but not least, the grand finale. Let me just say this—the written word alone is not that potent enough of a tool to convey the type of coked-out spectacle that is Tragedy’s live show. You just have to see them, it’s that simple.

The place went nuts when the self-proclaimed “premier Bee Gees metal tribute band in the Northeast corridor” hit the stage with their troop of merry misfits—among them, a large man dressed in a Peter Pan outfit who showered the band and crowd with a seemingly everlasting supply of confetti and balloons during their entire set, and a cigarette-smoking, angel-winged female team of backup singers referred to as the Women’s Gibb.

On paper, the marriage of heavy metal and Bee Gees tunes sounds pretty awesome, if not intriguing. Put into action, and the result is pretty clear: there are few things more satisfying than seeing and hearing a group of grown men belting out cheesy disco lyrics once sung by the brothers Gibb in a high falsetto while playing some kick-ass riffs on their Flying V’s, Les Pauls and Telecasters, all while sporting ridiculous 70’s wardrobes.

It turns out band leaders Barry Glibb and Mo-Royce are masters of the art of in-between-song banter. One choice interlude involved Mo-Royce recounting his visit to the Rite Aid across the street to buy his usual pre-show uppers and chatting up the old woman behind the cash register who reportedly confided in Mo-Royce that she hadn’t had proper sexual intercourse in over a year. Mo-Royce’s prescription? People need to dance more. With that, the band cut into their rendition of “You Should Be Dancing.” Halfway through the song, the Women’s Gibb walked out to the center of the stage in druid masks as Mo-Royce recounted an ancient tale of demon babies born with hooves and “sans pancrei.” The band ended the song with a nod to the classic “Iron Man” riff while Mo-Royce proclaimed triumphantly, “I. AM. DANCING MAN!” Spinal Tap, eat your heart out.

After performing a setlist that included their metal makeovers of “Stayin’ Alive,” “Night Fever” (in the style of “Rock Me Like A Hurricane”) and an encore that included a quick persona change into the Saturday Night Beavers, Tragedy called Gigi from Misstallica up on the stage to shred out the last notes of the night as Seth Putnam of grindcore outfit Anal Cunt made a cameo on the cowbell–all while Peter Pan man continued to frolic around onstage, sprinkling confetti. A fitting end to a satisfyingly twisted night if you ask me.

UPDATE: Rock On! Concerts is bringing Misstallica back to Boston! The tenth installment in the popular Monsters of Mock series will feature Misstallica alongside the all-female Led Zeppelin tribute band Zepparella at the Hard Rock Cafe on Saturday, July 11th. Don’t miss this chance to see this amazing band rock out in Boston one more time!

(Thanks to Caroline Bridges for the photos! see more of her work here)

Tragedy
Misstallica
My Stupid Friends

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